


Lifejacket

by pushingthesenses



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Crying, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, References to Depression, Self-Doubt, bit of a breakdown to be honest, description of depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:15:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27596720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pushingthesenses/pseuds/pushingthesenses
Summary: Ben comforts you during a dark moment.
Relationships: Ben Solo/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	Lifejacket

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, I know I'm trying to take a break and all, but I wrote this as a comfort piece for myself and I thought maybe it would be beneficial to someone else, too.

You’re at your desk when it happens. 

Your fingers fall away from the keyboard, your elbows coming to rest either side of the laptop as your face drops forward into your hands. You don’t even feel the tears when they come, or the sobs that spill from your mouth, half choked. You’re balancing on the precipice of not quite feeling numb, but not feeling much of _anything_.   
Except for that gaping hole, that endless canyon that cracks across your chest - splitting further and further with each cry that tears from your core. You don’t know what caused it, what caused those tectonic plates to pull apart and leave you half empty, half shattered, split right at your seams. All you know is that it’s there, and it’s moving. The shores of your soul are eroding, the once-shallow waters now engulfing every last fleck of spirit you have left. 

Your throat aches with the force of it, the rough assault of your wails scratching at soft tissue. You almost think, for a moment, that you’ll faint. That this spiral, this abyss of endless grey and black will consume you, take you for all you’re worth, sucking you down to it’s ocean floor.   
But it doesn’t. 

Ben’s arms are around you before you even realise he’s there, before you even realise he’s home. You can feel his breath on your cheeks as he speaks, but you can’t hear him. All you can hear is that rush of blood through your ears - the kind that sounds like tempestuous waves, the kind that has you feeling like you’re drowning. He pulls you closer to him, turning you around in your seat as he lifts you from the chair, taking you in his arms. 

“Sssh,” he hushes, and you can hear him now, as the waves begin to subside. “I’ve got you, I’ve got you,” he moves you to the bed, sitting you in his lap as he rubs soothing circles into your back. “I’m here.”   
You fight to calm your breathing, which only accelerates every time you think of speaking.   
“I s-should have it together,” you sob, rubbing harshly at your eyes. “Why can’t I just k-keep it together?”   
“You don’t have to have it together,” he murmurs, placing a soft kiss to your hairline. “You never have to have it together all the time.”  
“I-I’m failing,” the words spill from your mouth with a howl. “I’m not g-good enough for any of this, I never will be, I don’t know why I’m even trying.”   
“You’re not failing, you’re talking yourself into thinking that you are.”   
“But I am, and I-I’m falling apart right in front of everyone.”   
“It’s okay to come apart sometimes. And I’ll be here, every time you do.”   
He strokes your hair, kisses your cheeks, your nose. He finds your tears with his lips and allows the salt of them to fizzle into his mouth.   
“You shouldn’t have to deal with this,” you shake your head, allowing your breathing to begin it’s slow descent to normality. “This isn’t what you signed up for.”  
“I signed up for you,” he brings you impossibly closer, molding you to his body. “This is a part of you, the same way my…” he trails off, breaking into a laugh. “Fuckin’ calamity of a life is part of me. You take on enough of that,” he brings a finger to your jaw, tilting your chin up to face him. “You take care of me enough. Let me take care of you. Can you do that for me?”

You nod softly, sniffling as you nuzzle into his shoulder. 

“Here’s what we’re gonna do,” he says, letting you curl up into him. “You’re gonna rest, that’s what’s most important. You’re burning yourself out. Then,” he kisses the shell of your ear, smiling softly as your fingers find the curls of his hair. “We’re gonna order some food, and we’re gonna watch a movie, and you’re gonna forget about work until tomorrow morning. Alright?”   
“Alright,” you murmur, your eyes heavy with exhaustion. Your head begins to throb against your skull, as it often does after a hefty onslaught of your own torment. 

Ben watches as your eyes fight to stay open, rocking you slightly, back and forth, back and forth, as the last your tears taper off. 

And you stay like that, and he holds you, until the hurricane has calmed and the storm turns to drizzle, the waves lulling you to sleep. And he’ll keep you here, settled and calm, and he’ll hold your hand through every coming downpour. He’ll be your lifejacket.

**Author's Note:**

> [you can find me over on tumblr](https://kkysolo.tumblr.com/)


End file.
